Expository Cinema: Eighth Grade
I wish you could see the way that I see you.
Series Introduction: We’re growing up in a culture that consumes images. They incessantly bombard us each and every day with little thought given to each of them. The frequency of these images are creating brains that are more distracted; less capable of reflecting on what they see. Expository Cinema seeks to cultivate viewers that pause, reflect, and savor what appears onscreen. Each post highlights a specific scene from a movie in order to foster deeper appreciation.
I’ve been serving in some form of student ministry since 2001. As I write that, it’s staggering for me to consider that much of my adult life has been dedicated to better understanding the lives of teenagers.
Just last week, I spoke at a training event and heard from others who’ve served in student ministry for over 30 and 40 years. One man is in his upper 70’s and has spent his entire life serving in youth ministry. He’s a hero to me and countless teenagers!
This context might give you a better understanding of my love for a movie that’s so uncomfortable, disturbing, awkward and painful. No one in their right mind would ever want to relive their eighth grade years, which makes this movie one that can be hard to watch.
The writer/director of the film, Bo Burnham, was one of the earliest YouTube influencers. He’s known for making many hilarious videos, and, although painful and uncomfortable, Eighth Grade has some hilarious moments. At the same time, it is a thoughtful film that moves me to tears.
As always, I want to be sensitive to my readers and point out the fact that this is an R-rated movie. Had they omitted two scenes, this movie could have landed a PG-13 rating, which would have resulted in a stronger commendation from me.
I’m sure many viewers will find this movie off-putting, which might subtly reveal the heart you have towards pre-teens and teens. If you’re one who frequently offers a scoffing, eye-roll in the direction of today’s teenager, this movie probably isn’t for you but it might do you some good.
However, if you’re someone who longs to enter the lives of teens in a way that’s similar to One who was incarnate among difficult and frustrating people, then this movie may be of service to you. While it’s difficult to create a movie that captures an ever-changing Zeitgeist, this is one of the most accurate portrayals of this unique season of life and should be appreciated for accomplishing that feat.
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The Way I See You
While I greatly appreciate the authenticity of this movie and its ability to capture the life of an eighth grader, there is a deeper theme that resonates with me. It’s the theme of a father who doesn’t stop loving their child. Outside of Finding Nemo, this might be one of the best portrayals of a father pursing their child.
Part of me hates to spoil this, knowing that one really needs to watch the entire movie to get the weight of the scene I’m highlighting, but it’s truly powerful.
Throughout the entire movie, Mark Day (Josh Hamilton) tries and fails to pursue his daughter, Kayla (Elsie Fisher). As a single dad, parenting solo is hard enough. The challenge is only increased by the fact that he’s a male seeking to care for a female who’s going through, arguably, the most difficult years of her life.
Mark says kind and encouraging things to her throughout the movie. He tries to make jokes. He drives her places and attempts to have conversation. He puts forth unceasing, effort to enter Kayla’s life and is constantly met with resistance. Early on, he tries to tell her how special she is and she responds with annoyance. He doesn’t stop pursuing her. Doesn’t stop loving her. And his love isn’t squelched by her harsh, disrespectful, unloving words and actions.
Finally, at the end of the movie, as Kayla has hit rock-bottom in many ways, he moves towards her, once again, in love. Throughout the entire movie, he’s awkwardly tried to speak words of love to her and, in this scene, he realizes this is his moment. This is his chance to say what he wants to say to his daughter.
You can simply watch the scene or read the dialogue below. As you read/watch the father’s words and actions, keep the context in mind. He has been treated terribly by his daughter through the entire movie.
Kayla: Do I make you sad? I don't know. Sometimes I think that when I'm older, I'll have a daughter of my own or something... and I feel like if she was like me, then being her mom would make me sad all the time. I'd love her because she's my daughter, but I think if she turned out like me that being her mom would make me really sad.
Mark Day: You're wrong. If you grow up to have a daughter like you, she will make you so so happy. Being your dad makes me so happy, Kayla. You don't know; you don't know how happy you make me. It's beyond... I can't describe it. It's so easy to love you. It's so easy to... to be proud of you. I'm not just saying this. I swear to God, I'm not just saying this. Sure, sometimes if I see you're upset or having a rough day, then I feel sad. But that kind of being sad, that sort of day-to-day sad, or worrying that I do, that's not... Kayla, always beneath all that, I am always so unbelievably happy that I get to be your dad. Kayla, when your mom left, I was really scared. Like really, really scared. Because now I was all alone with this little girl that I loved so much and wanted everything for and I wasn't sure if I could give you what you needed so I was really scared. I was scared that you weren't going to be okay. I was scared just like you are right now. More scared. Way more... But then you got older. And you took your first steps, and you said your first words, and you wrote your first letter to Nana and you made your first friend; and everything that I thought I was going to have to teach you - how to be nice, how to share, how to care about other people's feelings - you just started doing on your own. Your teachers would say, "you've got such a lovely daughter, you've done such a great job with her." But I didn't do anything. I really didn't. I just watched. And the more I watched you, the less scared I got. I stopped being scared a long time ago, Kayla. You know why? Because of you. You made me brave, Kayla. And if you could just see yourself like I see you... the way you really are, the way you always have been... I promise you wouldn't be scared either.
To me, this is one of the most beautiful scenes that gives Christians a tiny glimpse of the way our gracious, God treats us. We are cold, harsh and unloving towards him each and every day, but our cold and dark hearts are no match for his grace. He keeps pursuing. Keeps loving. And he won’t stop…ever.
Much of our harshness and lack of love is connected to our fears. In essence he says to us, “[I]f you could just see yourself like I see you…the way you really are [because of my Son]…I promise you wouldn’t be scared.”